To Strike a Balance

All our lives, we are expected to know how to juggle. Our existence is declared by the gynec and we rule from one terrain of the womb to another. On the set fortunate day, our mothers (or the surgeons) bring us into the world.

Then it’s juggling from one lap to another from one shoulder to another. On growing up a little, we pick & choose between the numerous toys & no one dares to question our judgments. But as we start studying and step into this weird world, the real juggling starts and we are expected to deal with numerous things to study, alien like people, games, time, extracurriculars, etc. etc. nursery to school to college…. Juggling continues. Now comes, the real question Ab kya? What next?

Chalo bhai, since so much’s been spent on the education let’s start getting an ROI by declaring to the world that Hum bhi Ma Papa ki kamau santaan ban sakte hai and hence off we start going to work. in the office we juggle between the boss, the colleagues, the real work, the pretentious work and fun J Also, many a times some of us realize that Boss, present pay scale is not enough, I’m hoarse shouting I hate my job; so let’s start preparing to either change the job or prepare for MBA.

M-B-A the three golden letters which are no less than a mirage. They seem like the wishing well but in fact don’t even provide for a bottle of bisleri when needed. None the less, we try and try and try to again juggle between the job and books that will help us reach a place called MBA College, where we need to juggle between books, aliens, fun and the task of finding bakras who’ll either let us pursue our internship or give us a job or if we are lucky, both.

Phir job mili to juggle from one situation to another one assignment to another and then shaadi which involves juggling between job-in laws-patidev-responsibilities, etc. it goes on and on and on.

Though the juggling is endless and we can never get rid of it, the key is to strike a balance. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail but what matters is that we are trying. At least I am. Ab Allah jaane kya hoga aage. Whether the balancing act will succeed or not, dunno. Hoping for the best, though.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

What is anger? The dictionary tells me that it is the strong feeling that makes you want to quarrel or fight. Well… I agree but partially. Because I think it is a strong feeling that makes you want to quarrel, fight or even get back at someone by teaching them a lesson. Under the effects of anger, we decide things which may either give us solutions to the issues we face or they may increase the problems manifold. But what happens when you cool down? What happens when you realize that the aftereffects of anger have in fact ruined things? So who remains at the receiving end? Who faces the music? The one who got angry or the one who faced the anger? I say the one who is the weaker of the two. The one who can be subdued and the one who is downtrodden. Because that is the rule of the world. The one who can be subdued should be……. Because one can be sure that the weaker one will never cause no harm no matter how angry he/she may be.

In Pursuit of Happiness…..

I had long ago (probably in my previous life when I had something called A JOB with me) read a quote on my Boss’s desk’s notice board which meant something like people keep mentioning about pursuit of happiness although happiness cannot be looked for but has to be lived with (some such unnecessary bull*%$&) [bhai censored site hai bachche aur boodho ka khayal rakhna padta hai, others will follow what I mean].

I for one, completely agree with the inventor (or is discoverer….???? who cares) of this phrase (made more popular by Will Smith n others associated with the classic). I still remember that one evening when I wanted to kill some more time in Pune, my friend (who I call Dada) had dragged me to see this movie (mera 1^st time and his 2^nd and I was surprised at Dada’s disclosure). Happiness is always pursued but never actually found. Seldom or more so Never will you come across an individual who is completely happy and satisfied with the way things are happening at his/ her end. (Saints became extinct from average human reach long ago).

HUMAN WANTS ARE UNLIMITED. These golden words were the first things that I learnt in my 1^st class of commerce (approximately 10 years ago). We always look back at time and sigh…. Boy! Those days were the Best!!! I’d trade anything today to get back my Yesterdays….. Even if, those days were the most dreadful ones when they were The Present. But never ever are we fully satisfied with the way things are going on. We always complain, without realizing how precious the reasons for grumbling could be. I had a lot to grumble about when I was in school or when I was in college or when I was working or when I was in Bangalore but gradually as and how I separated myself from my school, college, workplace and my favorite city; I realized that I wanted and loved all those moments spent in these places and how much I have craved for them, ever since I realized how important they were.

Life has always brought abrupt changes for me, and I have always acted upon impulse. That is the reason why I am a miserable planner and a worse implementer. I plan a lot but fail at implementing. Like for now…. At this moment I’m supposed to be the good girl, burning the midnight oil “STUDYING”. But here I’m typing random crap which people would hardly read unless promised monetary pleasures!!!!

So the point of typing my thoughts into words is that no matter how hard one would try to Pursue Happiness, one would seldom get it unless one Sits Down and gives Happiness a Thought.

When have been the times when I have found Happiness???? The evenings whenever me n Bhai have had arguments about the most absurd things in life. He and I calling each other names, like kids from Kinder Garden. Teasing each other and getting teased at the same time. Spending time chatting/ talking/ being with my dearest friends even if that involves steering away through mundane as well as rough weekdays only to find those few moments of the weekend by sharing coffee, seeing a movie, discussing everything and nothing, exchanging IMs. Attending drab classes about words that sound like phlegm. Talking to Mom about people, things, sharing smiles and laughs. Playing chess with Dad, watching discussions on TV with some or made up interest. Spending time with my 2 Angel nieces who I call my Princesses.

There are so many moments, so many times which have given me Happiness without me trying hard to pursue it. Yet, off late, there has been a void which needs to be filled. This void has made me vulnerable, irritable, hopeless and even bitter. Life has become a long pause with somethings to look forward to in future but with vacant stretches of time in the present.

Old Habits Die Hard and Old Desires are Seldom Forgotten. All I ask for is better times than now. People wish for time to spare I wish for time to be spent. People want to be free, I want to be busy. These days of futility have helped me realize which my greatest happiness is. Although the above mentioned moments are a treasure to me, yet I have always found content in being BUSY and that is all what I desire now.

Happiness will Always be Pursued but to be CONTENT, I want to be busy. So, waiting to be content…….

क्या से क्या हो गया....

LIFE.... thou name art unpredictable. माँ कसम even Bejaan Daruwala would agree with my golden words. God either has been very sneaky or shrewd in keeping our futures a mystery. Mine for now is as dark as the night. All my life, I have foreseen myself t be a working woman. Smart (which I sometimes have always been... thank you very much), independent and hardworking. I have always kept myself away from the regular household chores or from the typical girly hobbies of cooking, knitting, painting, etc. etc. My parents tried very hard to bring out some sort of unexplored/ hidden talent in me but all they discovered was how miserable (read useless) I was at all the mentioned activities. I have been boyish and crude. All along I knew that when I start working, I will make the best out it. Best का तो पता नही but the rate at which my career is going, I might even have to forgo my desire to be working and throw my dreams of a career in the flames of the kitchen gas stove.
Approximately 1 year and 6 months past, I have been working but with many turbulances to count. I have already been in two jobs and now I am desperately looking for a third one. The first job was too hopeless to be continued with and at the second one was a mediocre one with not as many returns as required.
All I ask for is a Good Job Profile, a Known Brand and A Deserving Remuneration. Is that too much??? Am I asking for 3 boons not 3 basic requirements?? Dunno how long will my pursuit be and how long will it last, considering I am losing hope by every tic of the clock.