ANGER MANAGEMENT

What is anger? The dictionary tells me that it is the strong feeling that makes you want to quarrel or fight. Well… I agree but partially. Because I think it is a strong feeling that makes you want to quarrel, fight or even get back at someone by teaching them a lesson. Under the effects of anger, we decide things which may either give us solutions to the issues we face or they may increase the problems manifold. But what happens when you cool down? What happens when you realize that the aftereffects of anger have in fact ruined things? So who remains at the receiving end? Who faces the music? The one who got angry or the one who faced the anger? I say the one who is the weaker of the two. The one who can be subdued and the one who is downtrodden. Because that is the rule of the world. The one who can be subdued should be……. Because one can be sure that the weaker one will never cause no harm no matter how angry he/she may be.

In Pursuit of Happiness…..

I had long ago (probably in my previous life when I had something called A JOB with me) read a quote on my Boss’s desk’s notice board which meant something like people keep mentioning about pursuit of happiness although happiness cannot be looked for but has to be lived with (some such unnecessary bull*%$&) [bhai censored site hai bachche aur boodho ka khayal rakhna padta hai, others will follow what I mean].

I for one, completely agree with the inventor (or is discoverer….???? who cares) of this phrase (made more popular by Will Smith n others associated with the classic). I still remember that one evening when I wanted to kill some more time in Pune, my friend (who I call Dada) had dragged me to see this movie (mera 1^st time and his 2^nd and I was surprised at Dada’s disclosure). Happiness is always pursued but never actually found. Seldom or more so Never will you come across an individual who is completely happy and satisfied with the way things are happening at his/ her end. (Saints became extinct from average human reach long ago).

HUMAN WANTS ARE UNLIMITED. These golden words were the first things that I learnt in my 1^st class of commerce (approximately 10 years ago). We always look back at time and sigh…. Boy! Those days were the Best!!! I’d trade anything today to get back my Yesterdays….. Even if, those days were the most dreadful ones when they were The Present. But never ever are we fully satisfied with the way things are going on. We always complain, without realizing how precious the reasons for grumbling could be. I had a lot to grumble about when I was in school or when I was in college or when I was working or when I was in Bangalore but gradually as and how I separated myself from my school, college, workplace and my favorite city; I realized that I wanted and loved all those moments spent in these places and how much I have craved for them, ever since I realized how important they were.

Life has always brought abrupt changes for me, and I have always acted upon impulse. That is the reason why I am a miserable planner and a worse implementer. I plan a lot but fail at implementing. Like for now…. At this moment I’m supposed to be the good girl, burning the midnight oil “STUDYING”. But here I’m typing random crap which people would hardly read unless promised monetary pleasures!!!!

So the point of typing my thoughts into words is that no matter how hard one would try to Pursue Happiness, one would seldom get it unless one Sits Down and gives Happiness a Thought.

When have been the times when I have found Happiness???? The evenings whenever me n Bhai have had arguments about the most absurd things in life. He and I calling each other names, like kids from Kinder Garden. Teasing each other and getting teased at the same time. Spending time chatting/ talking/ being with my dearest friends even if that involves steering away through mundane as well as rough weekdays only to find those few moments of the weekend by sharing coffee, seeing a movie, discussing everything and nothing, exchanging IMs. Attending drab classes about words that sound like phlegm. Talking to Mom about people, things, sharing smiles and laughs. Playing chess with Dad, watching discussions on TV with some or made up interest. Spending time with my 2 Angel nieces who I call my Princesses.

There are so many moments, so many times which have given me Happiness without me trying hard to pursue it. Yet, off late, there has been a void which needs to be filled. This void has made me vulnerable, irritable, hopeless and even bitter. Life has become a long pause with somethings to look forward to in future but with vacant stretches of time in the present.

Old Habits Die Hard and Old Desires are Seldom Forgotten. All I ask for is better times than now. People wish for time to spare I wish for time to be spent. People want to be free, I want to be busy. These days of futility have helped me realize which my greatest happiness is. Although the above mentioned moments are a treasure to me, yet I have always found content in being BUSY and that is all what I desire now.

Happiness will Always be Pursued but to be CONTENT, I want to be busy. So, waiting to be content…….

क्या से क्या हो गया....

LIFE.... thou name art unpredictable. माँ कसम even Bejaan Daruwala would agree with my golden words. God either has been very sneaky or shrewd in keeping our futures a mystery. Mine for now is as dark as the night. All my life, I have foreseen myself t be a working woman. Smart (which I sometimes have always been... thank you very much), independent and hardworking. I have always kept myself away from the regular household chores or from the typical girly hobbies of cooking, knitting, painting, etc. etc. My parents tried very hard to bring out some sort of unexplored/ hidden talent in me but all they discovered was how miserable (read useless) I was at all the mentioned activities. I have been boyish and crude. All along I knew that when I start working, I will make the best out it. Best का तो पता नही but the rate at which my career is going, I might even have to forgo my desire to be working and throw my dreams of a career in the flames of the kitchen gas stove.
Approximately 1 year and 6 months past, I have been working but with many turbulances to count. I have already been in two jobs and now I am desperately looking for a third one. The first job was too hopeless to be continued with and at the second one was a mediocre one with not as many returns as required.
All I ask for is a Good Job Profile, a Known Brand and A Deserving Remuneration. Is that too much??? Am I asking for 3 boons not 3 basic requirements?? Dunno how long will my pursuit be and how long will it last, considering I am losing hope by every tic of the clock.

Dil Kya Chahata Hai????

Nothing said or done can make me feel guilty about "getting inspired" to use (read steal or copy) a not so original title of a cheesy and not surprisingly not very successful "Comedy". (Too many negations- ma kasam, but I'm not in a mood to be the optimistic sadhu found primarily on Kailash Parvat, close neighborhood of Shiv Shankar Bhole Nath)

Coming to the post title, I really wanna know... Dil Kya Chahata Hai. About me, deep down I vaguely know wot I want from life but the problemo is that my parents particularly my Dad is not so sure about wants, when it comes to his darling daughter.

P.S.: For those of you judge-mental types who just considered me as the Little Miss Ungrateful, Public Blog Pe Dad ki Burai karne wali Chudail; I have news for you... I don't care wot you or anybody else says. I'm frustrated, mera blog hai, meri marzi hai, padhna hai to padho warna do wot Komal Chautala most lovingly says (or advises).

I'm a 22 year old working woman (I love calling myself that), who successfully graduated and unsuccessfully gained a PGD for/ of an industry which pays lower than the amount paid to a local mistry working on a construction site in You Ass of Aeyee!!! I know that I need approx. 2 years of work experience, above average/high scores in GMAT n TOEFL/ IELTS to gain admission in a good B-School offering Masters in Finance Administration/ Management and also sufficient (lots of actually) money to apply for an education loan to study MBA. The education loan that need, applied not by my Dad, but by me.
The other 2 requirements will be faced in due course of time, but about the one regarding the Work Ex, shouldn't my work ex be w.r.t. a job/profile that I like and also justifies my qualification???
But my Dad n I beg to differ (thats euphemistic on my part) at the last clause and that is the sole source of inspiration to me for typing this post (that perhaps nobody may read), at this hour with as painful eyes as that of inmates of the Concentration Camps.
About my work ex details, I previously worked (or as I thought I did) in a place where my boss was just as nice as Dolores Umbridge was to apna Harry Potter (Yeah I'm obsessed with the HP books). So the poor innocent (also read stupid) me had to quit the job with a multitude of regrets along (not about leaving the job but about being so stupid).
But I trust, it was not an extraordinary thing as the Hailey's comet was/ is/ wotevr!!! Many people get fooled at work/ in the world. But the trick is to learn from mistakes and not repeat 'em. Fine..... Agreed... Not found any argument against that. Now I work at a place that neither offers the brand association that I seek nor a great remuneration nor Saturdays off (as I desperately want). Wot it offers is a good profile and I believe that would be integral (hopefully) when I apply to the B Schools of my choice.

Coming to the problem (finally !!!) Dad's unsurity about my career. Like I mentioned, "we beg to differ". Since my return back home, with the unsuccessfully gained PGD, Dad's been advising me to change to more easily identified Cos. So much that I even forcefully (after a big family episode of tu-tu-main-main, emotions, drama, tears, anger, etc) answered a stupid test that I neither had chances nor inclination to pass just to change to a more recognizable job, even if it means NO JOB SATISFACTION, the label of a JOB HOPPER, and joining a job for which I am overqualified. Never really thought I'd say that.

Dad k 5 khawab about his delicate darling daughter:
1)Join SBI ka PO or any other bank
2) Ditto (1)
3) Marry someone from the Health-care Industry (preferably Doctor) since both will be from the same profession (Completely diverse from the previous mentioned khwaabs). Also continue in the same industry since it will go into the boom phase soon.
4) if 3rd is to be achieved then continue in the same industry and do MBA from a foreign university
5) Pursue MBA in Finance from a foreign university (Again Contradicting to Khawab #4)
Even though he fantasizes fulfillment of one or more of the mentioned khwaabs, I don’t remember him ever asking me about wot I desire to do amongst the ones mentioned, though I have made myself clear about pursuing the 5th one to which he agrees (dunno by how many percentages).

More so like the typical fathers of under-aged girls, from the villages of UP, Bihar, Haryana, Rajasthan, etc who marry off their girls to men older than themselves, considering it to be best in the interests of the daughters, oblivious to wot she really wants.

So how am I to be termed as an EDUCATED WORKING WOMAN if I am not allowed to think for myself, decide the course of my future and laugh over my mistakes- ready to make new ones; if terms are dictated by my father, clearly without my consent or desire?
Why is it, that my father wants me to be everyone from Kalpana Chawala to Sania Mirza to Kiran Bedi to Indira Nooyi, but just me? Why is it that I am not allowed to use my brain, without reluctance from him, to the best of my knowledge? Lastly, why do I get the replies to all these questions as “You have turned more arrogant and egoistic since you started working!!!”???? (reversions from both Mom and Dad, who unite like USA & UK on such issues).
I guess these questions to me are just as many of those questions to scientists all over the world, which make them spend sleepless nights in the fascinating (mind-numbing to mediocres like us) laboratories and find vague plus tricky or even wrong answers to which earn them rewards that the common man could never hear of.
Weather they sleep or not, I don’t care. I will sleep now, looking forward to more rows of arguments, wasted emotions and sentimental blackmailing by me, mom and of-course dad about Me, Myself and My Career or Careers- Another “inspired” phrase.

Where or How do i draw the line????

All those who suddenly remembered and intended to introduce me to the wonderful tools called pencil (perhaps pen), a scale or a piece or paper, have the best chances of making it into the corridors and seats of the Indian Parliament. Laalu k saath chaara khane, dabaane n bin dakaar k hazam kar jane k phaarmula seekhne k mast chances hai. Gattu style wale mast!!!

But for all those, who have succeeded in following my trail of thoughts, I really wanna know, How, When and Where are people supposed to draw the line between being FRIENDS/ GOOD FRIENDS/ FLIRTS and LOVERS? How hard or easy is it to convince oneself or the other person (same or opposite sex, considering hum ek broad minded society mein rehne ki nakaamiyaab koshish kar rahe hai) that I like u (as a good friend) but don’t love u… hoping the “other person” will not be a lost friend by the end of the explanation.

Hoping that my blog’s readers (if any) would have realized that I am trying to find answers to questions, about situations not imagined but that which I have actually been in. To cut the crap, he was one of my best friends, without any second thoughts of being any other relation, even momentarily. Never imagined that such a wonderful and tranquilizing association would end up with such a magnitude of damage.

At the risks of sounding an absolute narcist, I don’t care if the entire episode hurt him or not. Point is that he hurt me INTENTIONALLY again and again and again and again. I was more or less a doormat full of filth from his shoes.

It’s not a sin to like someone and definitely not abnormal (in fact it is brave) to disclose such thoughts to the person in question. And I also believe that you are lucky to find another person who can help you through and through in winning over your love interest. But the worst can be- when you are a big, lousy (also fat, I love calling people fat, since I neither am nor have any remote chances of being fat) coward if:

a) You cannot express your feelings to your “love interest”

b) You start avoiding him/her so that you can get over him/her

c) Lastly, you are a big creep if you start using the helpful friend (as mentioned above) as a rebound.

These are the exact things, what “Mon Ami” (I recently started learning French to show off karma compulsory hai) did.

Kindly (a word, I use quite frequently ever since I entered the corporate world) try and imagine what kind of a messed up situation the helpful friend (me of course- who else, Einstein??)is in and sympathize with me (and find me a good lawyer) if I end up behind the bars (jail bewakuf- 5 star nahi) for killing my ex best friend no. 5.

I never imagined single-hood can be so dangerous and demanding to turn one wild and desperate to find a “love interest”, probably to convince oneself ki main bhi mard cum chick magnet hu (murgi k bachcho ki baat nahi kar rahi hu main). But then again, I am no JK Rowling. In fact even the inspiration and imagination to type this useful and pivotal blog was…. not my brainchild but that of another fellow nameless, faceless blogger plus my best friend no. 1 (yes, I have many best friends, all numbered in order of them associating with me- as friends not what a perfectly normal and chaste pervert would think).

I mean look at me…. [Matlab imagine my situation, not ki deede phaad phaad k meri taraf ghooro as if I am the first alien from the moon (presence claimed by none other than Aaj Tak- Sabse Tez) who visited the earth to catch a glimpse of Govinda in Hatya.] I am 22, single, a working woman (sounds flattering) who plans to build a career by making money for the extremely disorganized (sachchi.. kasam se… apne Papa se pooch) Indian Healthcare Industry.

Mera bhi man karta hai ki baaki sundar and susheel ladakiyon ki tarah mera 1 boyfriend ho jo mujhe roz Mercedes mein ghumaaye, mujhe Leela and Taj mein lunch karaye, L’Oreal k cosmetics dilaye aur mere saare nakhre utthaye. Bas… itna sa khwaab hai. But filhaal ye DDLJ ki Lajo k wo sapne hai jo dekhe to ja sakte hai par unke poore hone ki sharat nahi lagaye ja sakti (lagi 5-500 ki???), at least zindagi k agle haseen 3-4 hardwork se bhare saalon tak.

But do I find myself seducing my friends to get a sure shot beau???? Honestly, NO!!!! To a small extent, I am aware (not Sure… but aware, over confident thode hi hu) about how n where I intend to reach, to be content in life.

Zindagi mein pyaar zaruri hai, but not at the cost of friendship. Friendship is as important (if not more) as love. SRK and KJ jaise useless; but rich log bhi yahi kehte hai.

I admit.... I miss him. He, who was my friend, but could never have been my Romeo or My Knight in the Shining Armor. I miss the endless conversations; the spontaneous and entertaining fights, the accusations and the affection (not love).

Like many others, even I carry a set framework of my better half and yes …. He wasn’t qualified enough. Plus I’m not desperate to catch hold of anyone around and start an affair.

All in all, the only 3 regrets are- to trust an acquaintance to be a friend, to let him hurt me… to not have realized, when, where and how; I should/ could have drawn the line.

(And a desire- I wish I could find him and pay some bhaade ke tattoos, a hefty sum as a supari to have him hung over hungry sharks, in any ocean possible)!!!!

media... the sadists !!!

yaar, if u need to see some body making money out of misery of many, plz see aajtak. I mean the singing sensation, Voice of India winner, rockstar sardar, etc etc etc Ishmeet Singh Sodhi died under mysterious circumstances, in the deep end of a swimming pool of maldieves n all our Zabardast sounds managers at aajtak do is play MA from Taare Zameen Par to help the viewers sympathise with Ishmeet's mother.

How low can one stoop? and it's not only aajtak but also india tv and star news n zee news and many others who r looking for risen TRPs at this moment of grief. I kno tht the words sound childish n naive, but who'll cares if I say so in my blog?

Sick, thts how I describe the media, especially the hindi news channels. Saala kissi k ghar ka bachcha guzar gaya and all these ppl ask is, "aapki kya pratikriya hai?" WTF !!!! How abt me killing ur son n asking u the same question... Iss waqt aap kaisa mehsus kar rahe hai?

All in all.... wheather it matters to the media or not, I feel sorry for the Sodhi Family.